Fed up?

THE STORY: Ben Bernanke and the Federal Reserve are feeling really good about the economy. So good that the Fed is preparing to take a step back from babysitting. Insert cries of NOOOOOOOOO!

THE WHAT: Fed Chairman Bernanke said that the economy was expanding “at a moderate pace,” which was his version of doing a cart-wheel and breaking out the bubbly. He announced that the economy is doing well enough that the central bank may be able to start scaling back its stimulus, and slow the pace of its bond-buying program so that it can eventually end it. Of course, this would only happen if the economy continues to improve and unemployment continues to decline. All in all, it was an announcement with a lot of maybes. The markets FREAKED out.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Since the ’08 financial crisis, the Fed has put a lot of money into the economy. It’s lowered interest rates, and, as of September, started a new round of its much-talked about monthly bond-buying program (to the tune of $85 billion/month).

WHY IS EVERYONE SO SCURRED? Investors have had a hard time really reading the Fed (even though they’ve tried to read its Minutes) and are really, really dependent on it right now. Investors don’t want to see stimulus efforts stopped, just to have them start all over again. Although nothing is happening right away, investors have a hard time with change, especially when it’s tied to the markets. They’re a sensitive bunch.

theSKIMM: This is the most specific plan yet of how the Fed may slow down its unprecedented stimulus program. Although nothing is happening right away, breathe! The other thing on everyone’s mind is how long Mr. Bernanke will stay in his post. Word on the street is Men’s Wearhouse is hiring.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What people are saddened by… The sudden death of actor James Gandolfini. Best known as Tony Soprano, Gandolfini was an award-winning actor who taught us to be thankful for our mothers and showed us the ups and downs of mafia life, as well as the drive from NYC to New Jersey. Regarded as one of the great talents, his loss has shattered the Hollywood community. Gandolfini died of a suspected heart attack while in Italy. He’s survived by his wife and two children. Like “The Sopranos” finale, Gandolfini’s passing leaves us confused, sad, and way too soon.

What to say to your friend that doesn’t believe in the flu shot… Vaccines can work. A vaccine against HPV — the most common sexually transmitted infection and a big cause of cervical cancer — has cut infections in teen girls by 56%, according to the CDC. And it has nothing to do with Michael Douglas. This is a big success sign since the HPV vaccine has only been on the market since 2006 and only targets certain strains of the virus. The CDC is excited by the findings, especially given that only around 1/3 of teen girls have had all three of the suggested shots, but called them a “wake-up call that we need to increase vaccination rates.” Part of the vaccination issue, according to the CDC, is that parents like to think of their teens as abstinent angels who don’t need to be encouraged to have sex (especially at a young ages, like 12, when the vaccine is recommended) or simply worry about the vaccine having bad side effects; plus doctors aren’t consistently pushing it. 14 million new people get HPV each year so pass this on, probably to the person next to you.

What to say when you see stripes… Bet Dolce & Gabbana would do with wonders with that pattern behind bars. An Italian court fined and sentenced the fashion designing duo to one year and eight months in the big house for tax evasion. The pair plans to appeal and denies the charges. The two were accused of selling their brand to a shell company in 2004 in order to avoid declaring millions in taxes. Italy does not appreciate tax evaders and has been cracking down. But don’t say ciao ciao just yet. The pair probably won’t go to prison because of appeals and not just because they don’t like coordinating uniforms.

What to say when you feel you’re being watched… Not again. The director of the FBI, Robert Mueller, told a Senate Committee that the agency uses drones to watch over things in the US. But the bureau only use the drones for surveillance in a “very, very minimal way” and is working on coming up with better guidelines for the homeland practice. To be clear — the drones in the US are different from the ones used in military operations overseas that result in deaths (targeted and otherwise), and federal agencies have been using drones for a while to keep an eye on US borders. Local law enforcement agencies use them, too. But the director has bad timing with the announcement since the news comes amid bigger concerns about government power and its penchant for snooping. Guess what? You’re never alone.

Can we be friends?

THE STORY: The Taliban said it’s open to a summer makeover. It got a new office and wants to talk to the US about peace. But then insurgents attacked a US convoy and things began to look back to normal.

THE WHAT: The US and the Taliban, are set to meet in the next few days to talk about peace in Afghanistan. The hope was that it would open the door for talks with Afghan officials. However, the Afghan government said that probably won’t happen and it doesn’t like the Taliban’s official office, so it won’t be working with the US on a troop agreement.

GREAT. WHAT DOES EVERYONE WANT? The Taliban wants foreign troops out of Afghanistan; the US would love to go home but wants the Taliban to break up with al-Qaeda, stop the violence, and accept the new Afghan constitution. To show it’s serious, the Taliban opened up a new office (yes, they have offices) in Qatar. The Afghan government doesn’t like them having official treatment. The challenge is to get the Afghan government and the Taliban to start trusting each other. Big challenge.

WHO EXACTLY ARE THE TALIBAN? Members of an Islamic fundamentalist movement that rose in Afghanistan by the early ’90s. (Fun fact: The CIA actually helped ‘em out against our old frenemy the Soviets. Oops.) They were all about restoring peace in the area through really strict Islamic law but then made some interesting friend choices. They got their 15 minutes of fame when they were connected to Osama bin Laden. The US-led coalition worked hard to drive them from power after 9/11. To say that they don’t love the new Afghan government is an understatement and they have, for years, been connected to violent insurgencies in the area.

WHY’S THE TIMING IMPORTANT? The announcement about US/Taliban talks came on the same day that US-led international forces handed over control of Afghan security to local forces — big day after 12 years of war! Most foreign combat troops will be peacing out in 2014. No one wants to see over a decade of war turn into a total civil war after that deadline.

theSKIMM: This could be the Taliban’s first real step towards separating itself from terrorism. If the talks happen (big IF), it would be the first major sign of peace since the last time the parties tried to talk — that didn’t go well.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when your fan is on too high… The heat was out for a bit but should be coming back now. Summer is here and the NBA Finals are still going on, now heading into Game 7 after a ridiculously close game, where the San Antonio Spurs almost dethroned King James. But the Miami Heat brought it home in overtime, while many of us lost our nail beds. We guess LeBron may get to wear these shoes after all.

What to say when your bag is too heavy… Time to unload. President Obama is ready to do just that. In a major foreign policy speech in Berlin today, he is set to make the case for a new phase of nuclear-weapons reductions. While the US and our old Cold War pal Russia may not see eye-to-eye on what to do with the Syrian crisis, Obama would like both sides to agree when it comes to reducing nuclear arsenals — by a LOT. He’s been trying to push this for a while now, but convos have been stalled. For good measure, Obama will have some nice little symbolism at his speech site: Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate, a site where Reagan LOVED talking about what was once the Soviet Union. Some say Obama’s thinking about the L word that haunts second-term presidents (hint: Legacy).

What to say at drinks with girlfriends… Better have another sip before you hear this. The House approved legislation that would ban most abortions, nationwide, after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Supporters, mostly Republicans although a few Dems voted for it as well, say that a fetus can feel pain at 20 weeks — some would beg to differ. The ban on late-term abortions is a dramatic move by Republicans to restrict abortion rights. And it’s mostly just for show since it will be DOA in the Senate and faces a White House veto threat. Don’t you just love DC in the summer?

What people are saddened by… The sudden death of Rolling Stone and BuzzFeed journalist Michael Hastings. Hastings, 33, died in a car crash in LA. He is best known for his 2010 profile of Gen. Stanley McChrystal that led to McChrystal’s resignation after he was quoted as saying some not great things about his friends in the White House. Hastings is remembered as a “fearless journalist.”

What to say when you think someone else is on the phone… Is that you God, or just another hacker? Angelina Jolie’s former stunt double sued News Corp because she says its British newspapers hacked her phone to get info on the actress. The stunt double worked for and became friends with Jolie on the set of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” a memorable film because of the steamy love scenes between a very married (to Jen Aniston) Brad Pitt and Jolie, and alleges that The Sun and possibly the now-defunct News of the World learned all about the romance by hacking her phone. The woman wasn’t aware she had been hacked until British police paid her a visit last year but it explains deleted messages. Not shocked that News Corp would do such a thing? Maybe that’s because you remember the UK phone hacking scandal that resulted in arrests and a big inquiry. This is the first US hacking case related to the scandal and it is bringing up bad memories of Team Jen shirts.

Bench Life

THE STORY: The Supremes struck down an Arizona law that requires people to prove they’re US citizens when they register to vote. Checking the ‘yes’ box on the federal form when asked if you’re a citizen should be enough. No one likes paperwork.

UMM WHY’D THEY HAVE THIS LAW? Arizona and some other states with similar laws say it’s meant to cut down on voter fraud. Groups against the law say this is voter suppression and puts an extra burden on prospective voters by requiring things like birth certificates or passports. Civil rights groups say it’s aimed at discouraging legal immigrants from voting.

WHY DID THEY STRIKE IT DOWN? There’s a federal voter mail-in form that asks you if you are citizen (don’t lie on it). The Supremes said this takes precedence over a lil’ state law.

WHAT’S THE BIGGER ISSUE HERE? You have to be a citizen to vote, so who gets to vote and how is a big deal. This issue came to a head in the 2012 election when some Republicans proposed new restrictions to stop voter fraud, while Dems said that those restrictions hurt minorities and the poor, who often have a hard time getting the needed docs. Arizona feels it has a big illegal immigration problem and clearly has some opinions on the matter.

theSKIMM: The Supremes have good timing, right as an immigration debate is heating up in the Senate. As for Arizona, this ruling felt like a setback.

THE *: June is Supreme Court month so there’s more. The court also said brand-name drug makers can be sued if they make a deal that pays a generic competitor in order to keep cheaper rivals off of the market. It’s nicknamed ‘pay-for-delay’ and ends with consumers paying higher prices. No, thank you.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say while in line for coffee… It’s too early for drama. Apparently not at 7-Eleven, where more than a dozen store locations were raided by the Feds. The stores, located in New York and Virginia, were busted for employing illegal immigrants. Some employers were accused of hiding workers in the US and running a “modern day plantation system.” They were also charged with identity theft. At least 40 other store locations are said to be under investigation in what is being called one of the largest criminal immigrant employment investigations in history. Meanwhile a Special Agent said “the 7-11 franchises seized today will be better known for their big fraud than their Big Gulp.” Boomz.

What to say in a crowd… Protest time? In Brazil it is. In what began as a small protest against a rise in bus fares a few weeks ago, has spiraled into nationwide protests across Brazil. Last week there was a major government crackdown, sometimes violent, against the growing crowds. But last night, over two hundred thousand showed up in Brazil’s largest cities to have their voices heard, demanding change. One issue at hand? Brazil’s government is really excited about putting money into prep for the 2014 World Cup. Brazilians are less excited that tax money is going to new stadiums, when public services are dismal and the cost of living runs high. They’re also not pleased by government corruption. The widespread demonstrations are seen as the “first time Brazilians are collectively questioning the status quo,” in over a decade.

What to say when Netflix says it can’t process your request… I hate you but I understand why. The ‘Flix just got a lot busier now that it reached a major deal with DreamWorks. Rather than depend solely on the movie business or try its hand at cable, DreamWorks is going where it knows we are late into the night, our Netflix accounts. The promise of 300 hours of original programming is a big move for Hollywood content on the smallest screen. Before you get all excited about replacements for “House of Cards,” Tim Riggins, or Marshall & Lily, beware — the new programs will be “inspired” by characters of DreamWorks past (think Shrek). Guess it’s official–if you wear pigtails and rely on a sippy cup, you’re the new ‘it’ girl.

What to say when your friend brags about a Euro vacation… Better bring me back something nice. For Free 99. As the G8 summit continues in Northern Ireland (think lots of talks with some of the richest and most powerful countries), the US and the European Union announced they were taking on a big project together: a free-trade agreement unlike one ever seen before. The idea behind it is pretty much as it sounds, a trans-Atlantic trade pact with a lot of financial benefits, like jobs and economic growth. The US and EU account for almost half the world’s output and a third of its trade. Read: There’s a lot to be traded. British PM David Cameron called it “a once in a generation prize and we are determined to seize it.” Easier said than done, considering these kinds of proposals have been made before and dragged on and on. Hint: We still don’t have one with the EU.

Things that happened far away…

Turkey
THE STORY: Turkish PM Erdogan’s government forces cleared out protesters from their home base. It did not go over well.

THE WHAT: Protests started nearly three weeks ago as opposition to a planned shopping mall in Istanbul’s Gezi Park but turned into a nationwide referendum against Erdogan’s rule, that at times turned into violent clashes with police. At the end of last week, Erdogan appeared ready to compromise but clearly had a change of heart. Over the weekend, he had his forces throw the protesters out with the help of tear gas and water cannons. While he staged a big “I Heart Erdogan” rally for his supporters, violent clashes across the country got worse. A major strike is called for the country today, in support of the protesters.

theSKIMM: This is not good and no one is quite sure how it will resolve itself. The clashes over the last few weeks have led to some fatalities and have left thousands injured.

Leaks
THE STORY: According to the Guardian, foreign politicos and officials who were at G20 summit meetings (think lots of talk about economic development) in London in ’09 had their computers monitored and calls intercepted by a British intelligence agency that gets along very well with the NSA (the GCHQ). Why? Because their host, the British government, was curious. Edward Snowden’s still spilling.

HOW DID THEY SPY? Snowden reportedly has classified documents that show operations to get past delegates’ BlackBerrys to get a looksy at their emails and phone calls, as well as setting up internet cafes for delegates to try to get access to their emails and key strokes. Oh and the US intercepted communications of then Russian president Medvedev (now the prime minister).

theSKIMM: This news comes just after Snowden’s NSA leak and right before the G8 summit begins, hosted by the UK. Delegates will probably have questions for their hosts, especially the ones who were at the ’09 meetings. And the conversation will probably turn to government surveillance and boundary issues.

Syria
THE STORY: Syria will probably be the hot topic at the G8 summit.

PSST WHAT’S THE G8? An annual meeting of the Group of 8, the leaders of some of the world’s richest countries also known as the ideal group to go to Vegas with. It starts today in Northern Ireland. The countries will debate over whether and how to intervene in Syria’s bloody civil war. Russia and the West have not exactly found common ground on the issue since Russia is not buying into the idea that its dear friend and Syrian president Assad had forces use chemical weapons. Making things more complicated? Egypt cut all diplomatic ties with Syria over the weekend.

theSKIMM: Topics like taxes and trade will probably be overshadowed by the ongoing conflict. Or just talks about government surveillance (see above).

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when someone asks for a favor… Sure, right after the second coming of Yeezus. Khristmas has come early for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Their baby arrived early to the delight of social media, her family, and presumably Ryan Seacrest. Kardashian gave birth nearly a month early to their baby girl but all are said to be fine. Let the naming Khaos begin.

What to say while making August plans… Let’s leave time to chat about nukes. That’s what Washington & friends are hoping to do with Iran now that there’s a new president in town. Moderate Hassan Rohani won in a landslide victory, defeating his country’s more conservative candidates. Many said the other candidates misread the pulse of the country and that Rohani’s promise of better international relations abroad and more freedom at home was what the people want. The West seems excited (or maybe just really happy not to work with Ahmadinejad again), but don’t plan that summer party just yet, since Rohani’s power is actually pretty limited.

What to say when you get passed over at work… Always #2. Phil Mickelson came in second at the US Open for the sixth time on his 43rd birthday. Happy Birthday. The winner, Justin Rose, held on to finish at 1 over par, two shots ahead of Jason Day and Mickelson, who says he just keeps feeling heartbroken. Aww. More emotion — Rose looked to the sky in honor of his late father after finishing the 18th hole. Who knew golf could be so dramatic without Tiger? By the way, Mr. Woods did not have a good weekend.

Things that crossed the line

Syria
THE STORY: The White House confirmed what many have assumed for a long time: Syrian President Assad’s forces have used chemical weapons against rebels trying to oust him. Red Line: crossed.

WHAT RED LINE? In the past, President Obama has said the use of chemical weapons would mean crossing a red line for the US and would make the president change his “calculus.” What that means exactly, no one’s quite sure, but up until now the US has tried very hard to stay out of the two-year civil war. The White House said yesterday that Assad had “crossed red lines” multiple times. And now, the US has lifted a ban to supply weapons to rebels trying to remove Assad from power.

theSKIMM: US intelligence analysts’ assessment that Assad has used chemical weapons, on a small-scale, could be a game changer. The decision to ramp up military support to rebel forces is a big reversal in policy. Considering the conflict has killed over 90,000, everyone hopes it stops soon.

Patenting your genes
THE STORY: The Supreme Court said your genes cannot be patented. They’re just for you to enjoy and blame your parents for.

THE WHAT: The case focused around Myriad Genetics, which holds patents for isolating the genes BRCA1 and BRCA2. Testing through isolating these genes can indicate if a woman is at higher risk for developing breast or ovarian cancer (think Angelina). As the patent holder, it’s the only company that could perform the tests, which means the tests are very pricy. Challengers said Myriad was dictating the costs and types of genetic screenings out there. Myriad said that by isolating the genes, it had invented something. The challengers said you can’t invent what your mama gave you.

theSKIMM: The very technical and unprecedented case, which sounds more “Gattaca” than real life, has a major impact on patients, doctors, and the biotech industry. The court’s unanimous ruling is expected to increase biotech competition and lower the costs of these types of tests. The one plus for Myriad? The court said if DNA is synthesized in a lab, then it can be patented. Head. Spinning.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say while at drinks… Bet Wendi Deng Murdoch could use some pie to wash down that vodka. One of media’s biggest power couples is splitting–News Corp head Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce. Wendi may need a new nickname, as she was previously dubbed Tiger Wife for that time in 2011 when she lunged to protect her husband from a foam pie throwing prankster. Many had seen the writing on the wall for years, especially after Murdoch announced in an interview that his children with Wendi (his third wife) would not have News Corp voting rights like his other kids. The news of this split comes right as the News Corp behemoth splits into two separate companies. Considering his last wife reportedly got a whopping $1.7 billion divorce settlement, Wendi will probably not end up on the street — unless she owns it.

What to say when your boss agrees to listen to you…Finally some progress. After over two weeks of nation wide protests, Turkey’s PM Erdogan and the protesters have reached a tentative deal. The protests began when Erdogan sought to move forward with redeveloping an Istanbul park. Demonstrations grew into a loud call against Erdogan and his government’s rule. Major clashes with police injured thousands and lead to deaths. Now Erdogan, who had said he was running out patience, has reached a tentative deal with protesters after he agreed to delay his redesign plans until a court decides. This is seen as a small step towards things calming down.

What to say when you feel groggy… If Phil can do it, I can too. Phil Michelson attended his daughter’s 8th grade graduation and did not land in Philadelphia for the US Open until close to 4am. This was NBD for Michelson, who despite the travel and the rain delay, managed to finish his round atop the leaderboard in the first day of the US Open, one of golf’s biggest tournaments and the reason your Dad doesn’t want to do brunch on Father’s Day. Phil currently trails Luke Donald by one stroke, but he still has to finish his first round (no glow in the dark mini golf for the pro’s). Phil has finished second five times in his career but has never won a US Open title. Heartbreaking. Oh, and Tiger’s there too.

SKIMM’RS OF THE WEEK: Skimm dads Ken Zakin (New York, NY) and Don Weisberg (Chicago, IL) for cooking us nice meals, listening to us complain, and telling us their business thoughts even when we don’t ask. Happy Father’s Day!

Trust Me

THE STORY: The National Security Agency publicly defended its surveillance programs and explained why they’re helpful. And said it really loves privacy. Really.

THE WHAT: The NSA’s director Keith Alexander made a public appearance before a Senate committee to talk all things surveillance. The committee was actually meeting about defending Americans against cyber attacks, but the elephant in the room was not ignored. After last week’s leaks regarding two government programs — one that gathers phone data, the other Interweb info — Alexander publicly defended the much criticized practices.

WHAT’D HE SAY? Alexander bragged that the surveillance practices have prevented dozens of terrorist events. He could not specify which program was key in preventing bad things from happening but said he would make figures public soon. Right after he catches up on his correspondence. He also said that the government values trust and is very committed to privacy rights.

HOW’S THE LEAKER? Taking in the sites of Hong Kong and keeping up with his favorite pastime– talking to the press. Edward Snowden, the ex- NSA contractor behind the leaks who fled the US, is still laying low. The US is currently investigating him and he is hoping that Hong Kong will choose not to extradite him, if it comes to that. In an interview with the South China Morning Post, he claims the surveillance programs have also been hacking computers in Hong Kong and China since 2009. This should go over well.

theSKIMM: Snowden’s path to becoming one of the most infamous whistleblowers of all time continues. As does the debate over the balance of privacy rights versus security concerns. This story is not going away.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when you feel uninspired… A 10-year-old girl, whose family fought for weeks to help her, successfully underwent a double lung transplant after getting lungs from an adult donor. Sarah Murnaghan’s cystic fibrosis had reached a near-fatal stage and she had been waiting for new lungs for 18 months. Given just weeks to live, Sarah’s case gained major attention when her parents pushed for an organ transplant policy change. Pediatric lungs are rarely donated, and children under 12 must wait for teens and adults to be considered first before they can receive adult donations. The Murnaghan family won a court order to put Sarah (and another boy) on the list for adult lungs. Get better, Sarah!

What to say when someone says ‘your secret is safe with me’… Yeah, it’s probably not. In private remarks to the leadership of a big Latin American church group, Pope Francis admitted that a “gay lobby” is in full swing at the Vatican. The group wrote up notes about the speech and is not happy word got out to the public. The notes quoted Francis as saying “The ‘gay lobby’ is mentioned, and it is true, it is there… We need to see what we can do.” It’s unclear exactly what this lobby is but it doesn’t sound too fun. There are some reports that it refers to blackmail in the Vatican against high-ranking clergy members who are gay. Oy.

What to say when asked a tough interview question… Yeezus. Kanye West’s recent interview with The New York Times, to publicize his sixth solo album entitled “Yeezus,” is making waves for the amazing quotes that have come from it. When asked about respect for his trendsetting abilities, Kanye responded, “I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period.” Oh wait, there’s more. “I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.” Got that? While describing his “complete awesomeness at all times,” he also said he is the “Michael Jordan of music” but no word on if he thinks “Jesus Walks” was about himself.

What to say when you see a knockoff on the street… Ehh, kind of over it. Facebook has decided to start to introduce clickable hashtags, just like on Twitter. #TardyForTheParty Hashtags are supposed to make it easier for users to follow conversations and are considered to be a simple way to get a feel for what people are talking about in a larger sense. Or just annoy users by forcing them to be clever on yet another platform.

Things Washington is thinking about…

Snooping
THE STORY: The ACLU is not quite over the revelation of the government’s surveillance programs and has filed a lawsuit regarding one of the programs.

theSKIMM: This is the first major lawsuit following the leaks about the government’s two big programs last week. The ACLU has already expressed its horror at the National Security Agency’s legit collection of phone records from Verizon. One problem the NSA might not have thought of? As luck would have it, the American Civil Liberties Union says it’s a Verizon customer and its constitutional rights have been violated. As for the other big leak — that the NSA also gets info from major Internet companies – Google, Facebook, and Microsoft would like to tell users all about the government’s requests but they can’t without the government’s permission. They have now officially asked for it.

ANYTHING UPLIFTING? Book sales are up! Sales of George Orwell’s “1984 ” have gone up anywhere between 3,000 and 6,000% (depending on whom you ask) on Amazon. So there’s that.

Sex & Drugs
THE STORY: An internal memo by an inspector general suggests higher-ups at the State Department may have interfered with or stopped investigations into some major, major misconduct by its staffers.

theSKIMM: Highlights of bad behavior include: Hillary Clinton’s security detail allegedly enjoying the company of prostitutes while abroad and an underground drug ring reportedly supplying security contractors with the goods in Iraq. The State Department said not to fret and that all allegations were very thoroughly investigated.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What people are watching… Turkey, and not the kind you eat. Protesters and police have been clashing in Turkey for about two weeks. In an attempt to stop the protests, riot police fired tear gas canisters into Istanbul’s Taksim Square, causing thousands to scatter, yesterday. The clashes continued overnight. This ongoing escalation of demonstrations first started over the environment — as in opposition to a plan to build a mall at a park — but has now grown into a loud call against Prime Minister Erdogan and his government’s style. Thousands have been injured in the clashes and some deaths have been reported. Erdogan has said some unkind things about the protesters but was expected to meet with a few today. Fingers crossed.

What to say when someone brings up the NBA finals… No more — let’s talk hockey. The Stanley Cup Finals start tonight with the Chicago Blackhawks battling the Boston Bruins in a classic matchup between two of the Original Six teams (read: first teams in the NHL). It will actually be the first time the two teams have faced off this season because of the NHL’s lockout, which caused a shortened schedule. The governors of Illinois and Massachusetts have decided to make a gentleman’s bet — loser will volunteer at a food bank of the winner’s choice. Yawn but still very nice.

What to say when you hear ‘that’s so gay’… Don’t say that. Unless maybe if you’re in Russia. A bill that stigmatizes gay people, making the promotion of homosexual “propaganda” (like pride parades or defending gay rights) illegal, as well as bans giving kids any info about homosexuality, was overwhelmingly approved in Russia’s lower house of parliament. Not in 1950, but yesterday. The bill still needs to be passed by the upper house and signed by President Putin. During the debate, protesters of the bill holding a “kissing rally” were harassed by anti-gay activists, who way outnumbered them, and then detained by cops. All of this is part of a push to promote traditional Russian values, and we’re not talking about vodka.

What to say when you see a turtle… Slowly but surely, I’m sure you’ll do something. The Senate is now ready to start to debate immigration reform. This means onward with what could be the first major overhaul to immigration laws in a generation. The Senate bill would give the 11 million unauthorized immigrants in the US a pathway to citizenship, add funds for stricter border security, and require employers to check on the status of new hires to make sure they’re legit. Critics don’t think it takes into account that making 11 million people legal is expensive or does enough to secure borders. The bill has a long way to go, including through the Republican controlled House, so yes, this is just a little step forward. Hold the applause.

What to say to your boyfriend… I just wish you got me as much as M. Night Shyamalan does. Turns out the man behind “The Happening” and our favorite, “After Earth,” has a softer side. He just admitted that he ghost-wrote “She’s All That.” That’s right, the man who made us watch “Lady in the Water” also gifted us Freddie Prinze Jr. and choreographed prom dances. Don’t ever doubt yourself, Mr. Shyamalan. You clearly have a sixth sense about these things.

iFresh

THE STORY: Apple is back at it. Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, announced “the biggest change to iOS since the introduction of the iPhone.” And some other things. iReady.

WHAT’S SO DIFFERENT? Apple announced the new version of its mobile operating system iOS 7, coming this fall. iOS 7 gives the iPhone a makeover with flat, “elegant” icons, new colors, a 3D-like home screen, and a Control Center so you’ll never be without a flashlight. Apps will multitask and update automatically. The system will feature iTunes Radio, a music sharing and listening service (think Pandora).

WHAT ELSE? Just bought a new MacBook? Joke’s on you. The Fruit unveiled new MacBook Airs with enough battery power to watch the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. Because that is how time is measured in tech land. Also, the Mac Pro desktops, which will be assembled in the US, were previewed. Oh and Siri is now a HeShe. And a smarter one at that. Users will be able to pick their gender of choice (hint: two options).

theSKIMM: This is Apple’s first major product event in nine months. And no, you didn’t skip the part about a groundbreaking new iPhone or iPad. But Apple set out to disprove the critics who say it is lagging behind Google and Samsung, or as its marketing VP said, “Can’t innovate anymore, my ass.”

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when you check someone out… I will not slap your butt. Ochocinco — otherwise known as former NFL star Chad Johnson — has not learned to keep his hands to himself and now will spend 30 days in jail. Johnson was in a Florida courtroom to accept a no-jail plea deal for a probation violation; he’s been on probation ever since that time he pleaded no contest to head-butting his ex-wife. When asked by the judge if Johnson was satisfied with his lawyer, Johnson slapped his male attorney’s backside. The court laughed. The judge did not. He’ll be going away for 30 days.

What to say when something goes wrong… Time for Plan B. The Obama administration now agrees. The administration officially dropped its bid to limit the sale of the morning-after pill. Now any girl or woman will be able to buy the emergency contraception over the counter, regardless of age, no prescription needed. The Justice Department had been all set to appeal a ruling that allowed for the availability, but reportedly sensing it might lose the appeal had a change of heart, but of course there is no morning-after pill for that. The issue has been a heated one for the president, who had pushed for restrictions and angered many who thought he was trying to appeal to social conservatives around election time. Planned Parenthood called this “a historic moment” and “a huge breakthrough for access to birth control.”

What to say while dreaming of vacation… Your problems will still follow you. Washington whistleblower Edward Snowden, who fled to Hong Kong before getting all gossipy about the National Security Agency and the government’s surveillance programs, may not want to get too comfortable. He chose Hong Kong, knowing that he would end up in trouble for the leaks, partly because “they have a spirited commitment to free speech and the right of political dissent.” But he has already checked out of his hotel and many believe that while Hong Kong is likely to leave him alone for now, as soon as the US requests extradition, it will listen. The White House has stayed mum — so far, but the government is reportedly prepping charges. Meanwhile, Congress is stressing over a different story. Its annual summer picnic has been postponed. Cue the violins.

What to say when you lose hope… I’m just going to start Tebowing. It just may have worked for the football player, Tim Tebow, who was axed from the NY Jets after a blah season. The New England Patriots apparently believe in the once hyped quarterback and will be signing him, according to ESPN. He’s expected at minicamp (ha) today. We guess that means Patriots coach Bill Belichick doesn’t totally hate him, which is always comforting to know before you start a new job. Last month there were rumors that Belichick, who has publicly praised Tebow, secretly did not like him and said there was no chance he’d sign him. Belichick is adamant he never said that. Clear eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Get Good PR.

When it rains it Snow-dens

THE STORY: The man behind the major leaks last week has revealed himself. Well, hello, Edward Snowden.

WHO IS HE? A 29-year-old tech specialist at the National Security Agency, who recently joined Booz Allen Hamilton, a defense contractor. Let’s all take a moment for their HR and legal teams. He used to work at the CIA. Snowden had been leading the rough life at the NSA’s Hawaii offices and had made preparations to take a few weeks off. They thought he was being treated for epilepsy (which he does have), but after making some key photocopies, he took off for Hong Kong. He and the Guardian and The Washington Post have become very close.

PSST WHAT’D HE LEAK AGAIN? Two big things. First, a top secret court order that reveals Verizon has to turn over call logs to the NSA. Then we learned about a program called Prism, which collects lots of Internet data on foreigners abroad from companies like Facebook, Google, Microsoft, and Apple. Some panicked. Others yawned.

WHY’D HE DO IT? Snowden, who told the Guardian to reveal his ID and acknowledges he’ll get in trouble, is really not a fan of the government’s secret programs. He said his goal was to protect basic liberties and inform the public about the secrecy and “irresistible executive powers that rule the world.”

theSKIMM: Remember Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers? Get to know Mr. Snowden, who is sure to go down as one of the most infamous modern whistleblowers. The leaks have given privacy advocates a bad case of angina and roused new debates on the government’s surveillance programs and the Patriot Act, causing many an Obama critic to wonder if his real name is Barack W. Bush.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when you beat out your co-worker… I just pulled a Nadal. Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal won his eighth French Open title yesterday — an unprecedented feat — beating out his friend, fellow Spaniard, and video game competitor, David Ferrer. The only time Nadal looked unnerved on the court was when he dropped his serve after a masked protester carrying a flare leapt onto the court to protest gay marriage, newly legalized in France. He was taken away and his protesting friends were detained. This victory is especially sweet for Nadal because it’s a comeback of sorts after a knee injury forced him to take it easy for about seven months. Nadal has 12 major trophies and he’s only 27. FML.

What to say while singing in the shower… Even with these generous acoustics, Neil Patrick Harris really puts me to shame. NPH returned to host last night’s Tony Awards that included all the charm and jazz hand glory you have come to expect. Plus NPH rapping. “Kinky Boots” won for Best Musical, beating out “Matilda.” “Pippin” also had a good night. Tom Hanks did not win for Best Actor in a play, losing out to award-winning playwright (who can also act) Tracy Letts. Cicely Tyson won Best Actress in a play for “The Trip to Bountiful.” And like all good award shows, this one ended mostly on time. The theater Gods know best.

What people are still horrified by… Friday’s shooting near a community college in Santa Monica, CA. The death toll climbed to five victims over the weekend. The gunman, who was fatally shot by police, has been identified as a 23-year-old man with a history of mental health issues and had been struggling with his parents’ divorce. He reportedly first killed his brother and father and set their house on fire before continuing on with his rampage that ultimately ended up at Santa Monica College’s campus.

What to say when you don’t like the weather… It’s hard to complain if it’s not flooding. 23,000 people were asked to leave their homes in Germany on Sunday as a dam burst and terrible flooding continued to wreak havoc. At least twelve people have died as a result of recent flooding in Germany, Austria, Slovakia, Poland, and the Czech Republic. Budapest also fell victim to the historic conditions over the weekend. The unusually rainy spring has forced tens of thousands of people to evacuate, caused transportation mayhem, and led to damage that will probably cost several billion euros. If there is an upside, the rain boots market is likely doing well.

Sorry We’re Not Sorry

THE STORY: The US government is really enjoying gathering info on what you are up to. A lot of people are freaking out about it.

THE WHAT: On Wednesday, the Guardian revealed that the National Security Agency has been making Verizon hand over millions of US phone records thanks to a very secret court order. Then yesterday, The Washington Post said the NSA and the FBI are also getting info on the Interweb life of foreigners overseas from nine US Internet companies.

OK, LET’S TALK PHONES. This particular order gave the NSA access to records from April through this coming July — starting about a week after the Boston bombing suspects were found. But it turns out this isn’t the first time this has happened. This surveillance has apparently been going on for seven years, meaning before Obama was president.

WHAT ABOUT THE INTERNET STUFF? The Post said (and the federal government confirmed) that the agencies are tapping into the systems of nine major companies (like Google, Apple, Facebook), to grab everything people don’t post on social media as another way to track what foreigners overseas are doing and who they’re talking to. One big problem? It’s unclear whether the internet companies have ever given the government direct access to their servers. Great.

WHY SO NOSY? Because America’s intelligence agencies need to know what’s up as a part of counterterrorism strategies. A White House spokesman said “the president welcomes a discussion of the trade-offs between security and civil liberties.”

IS IT LEGAL? Yup. RE: the phones, you may recall the Patriot Act, which expanded the government’s ability to conduct programs like these. And as for the Internet snooping, this program–called Prism–is authorized under a foreign intelligence law.

IS OBAMA EMBARRASSED WE FOUND OUT? Uh, no. The administration defended the phone surveillance program, citing that they allowed counterterrorism personnel to do their jobs. Some lawmakers said that terror plots had actually been foiled. “It’s called protecting America,” according to Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said we should all calm down. Even some of Obama’s most vocal opponents applauded the efforts.

WHAT DO THE CRITICS SAY? WTF. This is unconstitutional, undemocratic or, as Al Gore said, “obscenely outrageous.”

theSKIMM:This is a nightmare come true for privacy advocates who have been suspecting some of this for years. The revelation of both programs also suggests a leak with someone who had high-level intelligence access. This all comes at a time when leaks are becoming a bigger and bigger concern andgives insight into the growth of government surveillance programs, that began under Bush after 9/11, have strongly continued under Obama.And cue Rockwell.

REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say when you see a miserable looking couple… Yeah, they’re about to split. Russia’s President Vladimir Putin and his wife announced their nearly 30-year marriage is over. The two were rarely seen together in public to the point that some thought they were on the rocks or that she had moved into a convent. But they did come together to announce the “mutual decision” in a televised (kind of awkward) announcement. They said they never see each other, live separate lives and that his wife doesn’t like publicity and air travel. Ironic since she used to be a flight attendant.

What to say when Siri makes a bad joke… I’m trading you in for a younger model. Apple is rumored to be starting an iPhone trade-in program this month at its retail locations. It’s aimed at getting users to hand over their old phones and upgrade to that hot new thang — the iPhone 5. Apple has not announced the plan but some say it has teamed up with a mobile phone distributor to run the exchange program. The buy-backs would let users defray the cost of shiny new phones, which mean more sales for Apple. Apple will get new devices to refurbish and sell in emerging markets. iWin, iwin all around.

What to say when the weather is beautiful… I just want to be outside. This was not an option for the “Today” show anchors yesterday, who usually like to hang out on the plaza, after a man pulled out a knife and cut himself. The man was tackled by security and the NYPD and taken to the hospital. Witnesses said the man was ranting about the IRS. Scary.

What to say while talking about someone you don’t like… Use a code name like Andrea, as in the unwelcome tropical storm from the Gulf of Mexico. Andrea made landfall in Florida’s Big Bend region bringing with her the gifts of tornado watches and warnings as well as heavy rains. She is the first named storm of the 2013 Atlantic hurricane season and will weaken as she heads north to greet the East Coast with rain. Happy weekend!

What to say about the Royals… King James does not like to lose. In fact, LeBron said he’s had enough with losing, especially to the San Antonio Spurs who swept him while he was with the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2007. Now the Miami Heat and Spurs are battling it out for this year’s NBA Finals. San Antonio pulled out a win in Game 1 last night. This series could show that the Spurs’ Tim Duncan really is his generation’s best player or end with a second straight title for LeBron. And yes, there are at least three more games and yes, we recognize that basketball is the new summer sport.